The Blondes vs. The Brunettes

Posted by: Janet on: June 8th, 2006  »  1 comment

Bored with your typical family get-togethers? Well, have we got an idea for you!

When the Podleski girls–all six of us–get together, there’s usually no shortage of laughter. Greta and I are the youngest of the six (only 11 months apart in age), followed by a set of identical twins (Donna and Theresa), who are nine years older than me (Janet). Then there’s Margie (or Maggie May, as we call her) who’s one year older than the twins. Finally, we have John and Alfreda Podleski’s first-born, Helen, who’s 16 years older than Greta—that would put her at 42. Right, Helen? Right, Greta? Six girls growing up in a house with one bathroom! Imagine! You had to take a number to get in there at all—I’m sure our father had to shave every once in a while using his reflection in the toaster!

Interestingly, out of the six girls, three are blondes and three are brunettes. Well, actually, only one was born a blonde. Two are blondes with the help of Nice n’ Easy, but they’ve been blondes for as long as I can remember, so I consider them to be true blondes. (I won’t name names, just in case their husbands are reading this and they’ve never broken them the unfortunate news.)

Anyway, a few years ago, Greta and I thought it would be interesting to centre our get-togethers around a fun, friendly “Blondes vs. Brunettes” competition. You know, something a little different than just having a boring schmoring dinner. It would be Greta, Donna and Helen (The Blondes) against Janet, Margie and Theresa (The Brunettes). The first year, we decided to go bowling. Well, let me tell you that the minute we divided into our respective teams, fun and friendly turned into fierce and competitive. Boisterous group cheers, jeering and jinxing of the other team, nasty slurs directed at gutterball-throwers, sulking when a team member couldn’t convert a 10-7 split into a spare—it got really ugly! And pressure-filled! Cutthroat! Even Margie, who would undoubtedly win the award for “World’s Nicest, Most Congenial Person Ever,” was getting downright nasty! “Hah! Look! Helen just missed that spare! We’re gonna win! Let’s go brunettes, let’s go!”

The next year when we got together, we not only went bowling, but we added Pictionary and Yahtzee to the mix, figuring that a “best two out of three” would be a fairer way to determine a winner—you know, just in case one of us was simply off on her game, perhaps suffering from PMS cramps or having eaten too much chocolate cheesecake at dinner to properly heave a bowling ball down a lane. Our Blondes versus Brunettes competition was really heating up at this point. Everyone started to take it VERY seriously. And someone always ended up accusing someone else of cheating. “What??! You can’t draw a picture of an ear to mean “sounds like!” That’s cheating!! And besides, you said ‘scarecrow’ way after the timer went off!” I’m telling you, it almost came to blows several times.

But the tip of the iceberg, the “Superbowl of Blondes versus Brunettes,” occurred two years ago at Greta’s house in Kitchener. Besides the customary bowling and Yahtzee leg of the battle, Greta and I put our creative heads together to dream up the most ingenious, extraordinary Amazing Race/Survivor competition. I wish we had the entire thing on video tape, because it was sooooo hilarious and sooooo seriously competitive. I’ll give you the details here, just in case you want to duplicate this game for your next family gathering. (Note: it’s not for wimps or for the faint of heart! You don’t need blondes or brunettes, either, and you can probably do it with any number of people on each team.)

This is how our Amazing Race/Survivor battle went:

The setting: Greta’s house, which is an old, stone farmhouse, quite spacious and spread out from room to room. The object of the game: Each team had to complete each stage of the race before the team could go on to the next stage. Whichever team finished all of its tasks first, wins. The prize? Serious bragging rights!

Stage One: The laundry room Here, we set up two identical ironing boards. On each one was a steaming hot iron and a plain white T-shirt. Also on the ironing board were iron-on decals of each team member’s first initial: T for Theresa, M for Margie, etc. The first person from each team had to iron on their initial (making sure it was stuck on), then they had to tag the next member of their team. When all three team members’ initials were ironed on, the team progressed to stage 2. Stage Two: Greta’s Living Room In the living room, each team would find a pillow case and each team would find a pile of loose, assorted, unsorted socks. The goal was to sort the socks, roll them into a ball as quickly as possible, and place them into the pillow case. Then it’s off to Stage 3, taking the pillow cases with them. Stage Three: Greta’s Family Room At this point, the brunettes had a slight lead! (Greta’s lack of ironing skills set us out front from the get go!) On the family room floor, each team would be faced with an identical, three foot by three foot jigsaw puzzle which they had to put together in its entirety. The brunettes were really struggling here. Something was wrong, darn it all! The pieces just didn’t seem to fit. The blondes were already onto Stage 4! Wait! There was a manufacturing defect! The brunettes’ puzzle had three EXTRA pieces!

Stage Four: Greta’s Kitchen You knew that darn pillowcase filled with sorted socks would come back ito play. Greta’s kitchen has a high, wooden-beamed ceiling, and balancing up on the beams were two woven baskets. The goal was to take the rolled-up sock balls, and skillfully toss them up into the baskets. Easier said than done, even for Janet who played varsity basketball at Carleton University! At one point, when the blondes weren’t looking, I jumped onto the kitchen counter so I could easily place a couple of sock balls into the basket. But I got busted. Darn! The blondes were way ahead!Stage Five: Greta’s Dining Room

The next stage was the trickiest. At this point, people had large beads of sweat rolling down their brows. You could cut the tension with a knife. We had to run from the kitchen into the dining room. There, on the table were two identical stations. Each had a needle, some thread, a button, and a pair of leather gloves. One by one, each team member had to put on the gloves, then thread the needle. Then they had to sew the button next to their own initial onto the white T-shirt (you remember the one that we started with in the laundry room?). I have trouble threading a needle at the best of times–but with those gloves on? You’ve got to be kidding! Thankfully, my sister Theresa was up first. “She’s a sewing MACHINE! If anyone can give us the lead, she can,” I thought. Wrong! Theresa was suddenly all thumbs, and the blondes had almost completed their task. Maybe Donna, Helen and Greta were just too good! I could hardly stand the tension. Tempers were flaring!

Final Stage: Outside, Greta’s driveway

Once the button-sewing was completed, each team had to pick two members who would tie their legs together for a three-legged race. A very long and strenuous three-legged race down Greta’s driveway (about 200 yards). At the end of the driveway, each team would open the mailbox and grab one of the paper bags that lay inside. Then they had to run three-legged back up the drive, into the house and into Greta’s kitchen. At that point, the team would open the paper bag, and each member had to eat whatever was in there. The first team to have all three members swallow the contents of the bag would be declared the winner.

Well, the brunettes were lagging far behind, especially after Theresa’s slow sewing session. (Sorry, sis! But we were counting on you!) In fact, the Blonde team of Donna and Helen were halfway down the driveway when the Brunettes (Margie and I), got our legs tied. I took one look at their astounding lead, then one look at Margie, and yelled “Let’s goooooo!” I’m not sure if bionic implants could have made Margie and I run any faster! As a unit, we were awesome! In no time, we blew by the blondes (who were huffing and puffing, and I believe, toppling over onto the gravel driveway at one point) and we grabbed the paper bag before they got to theirs. Then we had to sprint back up the lane. At that point, Margie and I were both gasping for air and laughing hysterically at the same time, which makes it almost impossible to run. I’ve never felt so oxygen-deprived in my life! Behind us, I caught a quick glimpse of Donna dragging Helen along the ground. Greta was frantically cheering them up and onward. Theresa was doing her best cheerleading as well, screaming for us to hurry, hurry, hurry!

The Brunettes were first in the house, and like rapid-fire, we were in the kitchen, still gasping for air, though. Fumbling, we opened the bags, our hands shaking with anticipation of our big win. Oh no! Three of Lexi’s dog biscuits! We had to chew and swallow a dog biscuit! Oh well, we were panting like dogs, anyway, from the sheer exertion and from the uncontrollable laughter. The fact that Margie and I had not one drop of saliva left in our mouths didn’t make it an easy swallow. The biscuit tasted sort of stale, too! Poor Lexi! Poor us! Ooops! Here come those blondes! “Hurry, Janet! You can do it!” I heard Theresa screaming at me. Somehow, I choked that biscuit down, so did my fellow brunettes, and that was all she wrote. The Brunettes win!!

Whew! Glad that’s over! We all shook hands like grown ups afterward, and we laughed and laughed as we replayed every detail of the Amazing Podleski Race. What a riot! We were all friends now, forgetting the adversarial behaviour we had just exhibited. In fact, I think we ate cheesecake. Funny, we haven’t had another Blondes versus Brunettes battle since that one. How could we possibly top that?

Comments (1)

  1. Reply

    Ola S. | July 6, 2008 at 7:27 pm →

    This has got to be one of the most captivating and entertaining entries ever!! You’re never too old to have fun and goof around, are you?! This is awesome! You guys rock! …..but as a blonde, I must say I’m a little disappointed that the brunettes were victorious. Darn it!! ;)

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