Eat Shrink And Be Merry

With our TV show airing four times a week on the Food Network, with the Dempster’s bread commercial that we filmed earlier in the year playing a gazillion times, and with our monthly Reader’s Digest column having been out for two years, I’m noticing that it’s harder and harder to go anywhere without someone recognizing me. I guess that’s a good thing. You know, being a “someone” who somebody else recognizes for their accomplishments. It shows you’ve made it, I guess. And it’s not like I’m being stalked by nasty, pushy, prying, ruthless paparazzi or anything. No, most people who approach me are super-polite and very enthusiastic.

Just the other day, for instance, a woman tapped me on the back while I was waiting in line at Shopper’s Drug Mart.

“Oh…my…God! Are you one of the Eat, Shrink and Be Merry girls?”

“Yes, yes, I am.” I smiled politely and enthusiastically.

“I just love your show. You and your sister are SO funny! And my husband loves your books! He makes ‘Dilly Beloved’ and ‘Chicken Teriwacky’ faithfully almost every week!”

“Gee, thanks!” I’m turning a bit red now, not from all of this fan’s gushing, but because I’m standing in line juggling the biggest-possible, jumbo, super-duper-sized package of 2-ply toilet paper imaginable. (Even though I live alone and this was enough paper for a small village, it was on sale, first of all, and secondly, I HAVE been trying to add more fibre to my diet lately.) Oh well. I could have been standing there with a tube of Preparation H!

Because more and more people are recognizing me, I’ve decided to go a bit incognito. I now wear my ball cap and big sunglasses when I go out, just like those mysterious Hollywood stars you see in the trashy celeb mags. Okay, okay, I’m busted! Ball caps and sunglasses have been my usual accessories of choice for quite some time. It’s my look and has been for years now. In fact, it’s what I live in when we’re not filming, and it’s great for bad hair days, too (which I have a lot!)

So last week, I went for a walk with my friend Leanne and my dog Lacey at the Arboretum in Ottawa. We were there no more than ten minutes when out of the forest emerges a twenty-something-ish girl with her rather sheepish-looking sheep dog.

“Excuse me, aren’t you from Eat, Shrink and Be Married?”

“Yes, yes I am.” I laughed. I mentioned that she wasn’t the first to call our show by that mistaken-but-funny name. We had a five-year-old boy call it that (he sings the theme song to our show with the improvised words), plus our mother, Alfreda, who adds an even funnier twist with her Polish pronunciation of the title.

So my disguise didn’t work, much to my amazement. But I kept it up. On the weekend, I ran into my favourite takeout food joint, The Wild Oat on Bank Street in Ottawa, to grab some of their yummy vegetarian chili. Ballcap and sunglasses shielding my identity, I stood in the long line-up at the cash for quite some time, paid for the chili, and then turned to leave. As I was leaving, a young couple walked toward me, obviously recognizing me.

“Excuse me…” they began. Anticipating their next line, I was just about to say “Yes, yes I am,” when the guy pipes up:

“The price tag for your sweat shirt is hanging out the back. You got it on sale! Way to go!”

Eeeek! The tag was humungous, and it was dangling off the hood of my new purple hoodie and down my spine. And there was a neon red sale sticker (the same colour as my face) screaming $29.99!! Gasp! I must have been standing in line for a good ten minutes before these kind people had the decency to intervene.

“By the way, we love your show!” they waved as they left the building.

Yes, yes, I am the star of Eat, Shriek and Be Embarrassed.