Eat Shrink And Be Merry

For those faithful followers of our TV series, Eat, Shrink & Be Merry, please note that we have a new time on Tuesday nights–6 pm (instead of 7 pm.) Apparently, we’ve been given a “promotion!” That’s right! The bosses at The Food Network have moved us into the very popular “Countdown to Dinner” time slot where we’ll be rubbing elbows with The Barefoot Contessa and Rachel Ray and the gang. Cool, huh?

If only that meant that we really got to hang out with them! Can you imagine? I sure wouldn’t turn down an invite to Ina Garten’s gorgeous house for a scrumptious, home-cooked meal. Hey! Maybe Rachel and her good friend Oprah will call up Greta and I and ask us to Sunday brunch at Oprah’s estate. Wouldn’t that be great? We’d have lots of laughs and probably a couple of martinis (cuz I think that’s what Oprah and her friends do when they get together.) Best friend Gayle King would probably pop in unexpectedly, and then we’d hit it off with her, too. More laughs. More martinis for everyone! Then that cute interior designer guy, Nate, would drop by with the new curtains that he commissioned to have hand-sewn for Oprah. He’d shyly have a drink with us girls (a cosmopolitan, I would guess), and then we’d most likely put on some old 70’s tunes like Donna Summer or Abba or Barry Manilow and start jiving around Oprah’s back patio (which is about the size of a regulation soccer field–at least that’s what I can garner from the photos in magazines.) Absolutely ravenous from our dizzying dance-fest, we’d then devour the succulent, five-course brunch prepared by her personal chef, Art. (Greta would grill Art for the secrets to his killer Jerk chicken recipe. He won’t divulge! Drat!)

Our palates appeased, we’d fall into Oprah’s comfy, paisley-patterned chaise lounges, holding our expansive bellies and complaining that, “Where was her trainer, Bob Greene, when we really needed him?” More laughs. Now we’d drink herbal tea. Greta would then generously offer to host the next “girl’s get-together,” insisting that Oprah’s been a lot of places in the world, for sure, but she’s never been to Kitchener, Ontario, and she doesn’t know what she’s missing. She accepts Greta’s invite without batting an eyelash. (Oprah loves it when someone else does the cooking!) Greta tells the gang that she’ll be unveiling a special, new vegetable concoction for this occasion–Okra Winfrey! More full-belly laughs! Then, we…uh…we end up being the best of…uhm…friends…and uh…hmmm…we… uh…Okay, okay! So it’s a little far-fetched! I admit it’s a little bit of stretch. Okay, a lot of a stretch. A big, fat elastic’s-going-to-bust stretch. Oh well, my sister and I wouldn’t be where we are today if we weren’t big dreamers. And besides, I just know that Oprah would LOVE Greta’s Fee-Fi-Faux-Fried Chicken and her famous Shocklate Cheesecake! It’s Southern (Ontario) cookin’ at its finest!